I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
