my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She's the barista slut.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
