lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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