I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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