I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
