I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
