It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
