No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
