please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I am available for nakedness
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
