it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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