no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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