at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
