Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
