My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
