theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
