Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
