giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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