so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
