you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
