I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
North Korea, Best Korea!
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
