doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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