I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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