Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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