Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
