Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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