I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
