at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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