I think I am morally bankrupt
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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