I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
