How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
