Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
