he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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