so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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