I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Randomize
