last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
