Jerry, you need to find god
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
