So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
