yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
