i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
