you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
