you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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