So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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