I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Still dying that you shit outside
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
