There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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