life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
