I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
