i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
