we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
