I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
