thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
In America we eat man semen.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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