Tell her she can't have a vagina
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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