i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
