I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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